Dear Destiny,
I have 200 new friends - errr, okay, they are actually my students - but I'm convinced that by the end of the term they will be converted to the gospel of public health and that we will all yak about epidemiology and stuff (!!). That's grossly over optimistic, I know, but considering it's my first day teaching university I suppose it's better than being jaded. All in all Destiny, I think this teaching gig is going to be a fun adventure, even if it is a lot of work and not permanent. Because ultimately, when I get to recite things like: "Do we want people to beat the odds or do we want to change the odds?"even I believe that something better must be in our future.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Dear Destiny, Where's my bike?
Dear Destiny,
This morning I had only one thought.... where's my bike?! As the day progressed my mind ruminated over where it could be hiding, lest I concede that it had (indeed) been stolen. I really am trying to believe that the impending changes of my life will bring better things as I move from graduated student into __________ (insert your best guess). So if today's little episode was meant to keep me on my feet for what's next, I suppose it literally has done just that. But really Destiny, I'd prefer to move forward with two pedals (not bipedal)!
This morning I had only one thought.... where's my bike?! As the day progressed my mind ruminated over where it could be hiding, lest I concede that it had (indeed) been stolen. I really am trying to believe that the impending changes of my life will bring better things as I move from graduated student into __________ (insert your best guess). So if today's little episode was meant to keep me on my feet for what's next, I suppose it literally has done just that. But really Destiny, I'd prefer to move forward with two pedals (not bipedal)!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Dear Destiny, Forward momentum!
Dear Destiny,
I am feeling forward momentum (as my friend G always says)! one of the first things I learned upon moving to Portland is that nothing is ever "straight" :) so look and move forward instead. I recently received an offer to teach a university course this fall, and with that I am hopeful that you, dear Destiny, are looking and moving forward too. Thus I commend your forward momentum and pause only to remind....
I am feeling forward momentum (as my friend G always says)! one of the first things I learned upon moving to Portland is that nothing is ever "straight" :) so look and move forward instead. I recently received an offer to teach a university course this fall, and with that I am hopeful that you, dear Destiny, are looking and moving forward too. Thus I commend your forward momentum and pause only to remind....
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Dear Destiny, Tests are scary.
Dear Destiny,
Tests are scary, and that's no metaphor. Having just returned from the second big admissions test that I've had to take this summer, I very literally mean that I spent the first few minutes of the test paralyzed with fear; unable to think about the questions in front of me and having the fight or flight debate in my head! Somehow I convinced myself to finish the test, but I've been thinking a lot about the root of that gripping fear I felt (er, am still feeling). Here's what I've come up with: fear of the future (nah), fear of failure (meh), fear of the unknown (maybe), fear of missing out on the opportunities I want the most because i didn't perform well enough on a test (nail on the head). So destiny, despite how I did on the test, don't let me down - because I haven't given up on you yet!
Tests are scary, and that's no metaphor. Having just returned from the second big admissions test that I've had to take this summer, I very literally mean that I spent the first few minutes of the test paralyzed with fear; unable to think about the questions in front of me and having the fight or flight debate in my head! Somehow I convinced myself to finish the test, but I've been thinking a lot about the root of that gripping fear I felt (er, am still feeling). Here's what I've come up with: fear of the future (nah), fear of failure (meh), fear of the unknown (maybe), fear of missing out on the opportunities I want the most because i didn't perform well enough on a test (nail on the head). So destiny, despite how I did on the test, don't let me down - because I haven't given up on you yet!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Dear Destiny, I'm moving... again.
Dear Destiny,
I'm moving ... again. I think this is some sort of record as it will be the fourth apartment I've lived in since the beginning of this year. the last three moves have been to convenience others and I think I've learned my lesson: when you're a push-over the appreciation from others is fleeting but personal anguish abides. So destiny, I'm resolving to be less of a push-over and make choices that also serve my interests! My disclaimer being that if you decide to bestow me with an academic/employment opportunity that warranted another move, well then I think that would be mutually beneficial.
I'm moving ... again. I think this is some sort of record as it will be the fourth apartment I've lived in since the beginning of this year. the last three moves have been to convenience others and I think I've learned my lesson: when you're a push-over the appreciation from others is fleeting but personal anguish abides. So destiny, I'm resolving to be less of a push-over and make choices that also serve my interests! My disclaimer being that if you decide to bestow me with an academic/employment opportunity that warranted another move, well then I think that would be mutually beneficial.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Dear Destiny, I am ready now.
Dear Destiny,
Today was pretty ordinary, except I came across something I wrote four and a half years ago and it's left a haunting impression. Five years ago I was newly married. four and a half years ago I was in the middle of divorce. I have mostly repressed the memories from that time in my life (and some of the years leading up to it), but largely what I recall is feeling hurt and disappointed. What this writing revealed however, was a moment of hope that had found me unsuspecting. I even wrote something like, "here I am. both feet on the ground and a smile all over!" but in the years since, I have lost that hope on more than one occasion. Now is suppose to be the time of my life - the world as my oyster. I just finished grad school in a program I loved and with people I adore. This summer alone I've crossed the Atlantic four times, interviewed for two different international doctoral programs, and swum through the Willamette river. Not too shabby. but when I'm asked the question, "what's next?" I swallow hard, force on a smile, and with my best attempt at optimism reply with, "I'm figuring that out!" it's true - I am figuring it out - but I feel I've lost that hope again. So destiny, I see us as partners in this thing called my future, so I thought I'd write you and let you know: I am ready now.
Today was pretty ordinary, except I came across something I wrote four and a half years ago and it's left a haunting impression. Five years ago I was newly married. four and a half years ago I was in the middle of divorce. I have mostly repressed the memories from that time in my life (and some of the years leading up to it), but largely what I recall is feeling hurt and disappointed. What this writing revealed however, was a moment of hope that had found me unsuspecting. I even wrote something like, "here I am. both feet on the ground and a smile all over!" but in the years since, I have lost that hope on more than one occasion. Now is suppose to be the time of my life - the world as my oyster. I just finished grad school in a program I loved and with people I adore. This summer alone I've crossed the Atlantic four times, interviewed for two different international doctoral programs, and swum through the Willamette river. Not too shabby. but when I'm asked the question, "what's next?" I swallow hard, force on a smile, and with my best attempt at optimism reply with, "I'm figuring that out!" it's true - I am figuring it out - but I feel I've lost that hope again. So destiny, I see us as partners in this thing called my future, so I thought I'd write you and let you know: I am ready now.
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